“I’m not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost.”
― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
I don’t really write articles, it’s quite long and and I don’t wanna bore the readers. Usually, I can say what I want to say through poems. But in this case, I can make the exception. As to what may be the reason to that, you won’t get it, even after reading this article. All you’ll get are more questions, it is I who needs a hand and not you. This is not an article to shove into people’s face but a mirror that would allow me to see where did I go wrong. All I aim to do with this is to make a reflection, for both me and you. In that way, incase you ever get lost, you’ll have an idea on how possibly it could turn out to be.
About two years ago, all I have was typical. A normal standard life of a man in his twenties, at least that was normal to me. I struggle to divide my time on two things, the Pleasure I can get from the things I want to do, in that particular period was music and the Passion I have for the people I care about. I managed to get through all the difficulty in doing that, everything went on pretty well, everything went on great, but I didn’t really see what was written for me.
After a few more months, the perfect storm arrived before my eyes. Something came up and I didn’t have any other choice but to approve all of it. You really can’t hide yourself from darkness when you only have a little light to hold on to. I allowed it to happen, thought of an alternative, chose one between the two and things seem to go as planned. Passion had to leave, Pleasure will always be there. Choosing which was hard, but I had to choose what was right, at that moment, at that time, it was Passion who makes me a better person.
Passion had to leave, that was why I had to choose. When it eventually left, I could just not go back and have all the Pleasure I want. I had to make adjustments in regards to my Passion’s disappearance, one was to let go of the Pleasure I used to get, for it never helps, it inspires but it doesn’t really lend a hand on finding my way back to norms.
When I lost my Pleasure, it meant only one thing. My Passion will now be my priority, even with all the distance that withstands between us, we still had the connection, the spark, the tiny little hope that somehow keeps us going. Again, adjustments were necessary to make it work between us, so adjust it we did. We got through the hardships that we needed to endure, we got along just fine. Each was spoon feeding the other endeavors that would help in keeping what we had, sustaining what we both needed and wanted, protecting what was ours. Everything else just went on, there were a few bumps along the road though, but somehow we still manage to find a better road to reach our destination. *1
But then comes the antagonist called Change. Now Change was pretty, bright, and lively. Change was a necessary piece on the puzzle that would fulfill our story. Change came and she got along pretty well with the both of us. Passion loved her, I also did. We both fell for Change for we needed her, we wanted her, we yearned for her. We grab everything that Change could offer, and she spoiled us. Opportunities came and gone, and each of us found other ways to use our time. Once again, time became a burden. Once again, time along with his newfound friend Change was bound to destroy what Passion and I used to have.
With all the drastic changes on how I live my life, say, responsibilities to handle, rent to pay, jobs to work on, sleeps to do, rests to pay up the sweats dropped, prioritizing my Passion once again became too much for me to handle. Especially with all the distance between us now, dealing with both Passion and Change was not an easy task.
You know that thing elders say, history repeats itself? Yeah well that’s factual. Look at where I’m standing again, Choosing only one between two things that made you truthfully happy needed to be done, can you just imagine all the rage I had when I found myself on the same place I was before? The same shoes that I used to be in? And right now, at this exact second, at this very moment, I am still choosing, I still haven’t made up my mind on which one is keeping me on the right track. Which path should I take? Which one’s right? Which leads me to the haven? The paradise on earth? The betterment that I have been searching all throughout this journey we call life? You’ll probably tell me that pick the one that makes you genuinely happy, and that doesn’t really help. Not one bit. Why? They both make me happy, the happiest that I could be, but in order to be truly happy choosing one and just one was the only option. In comparison, Change makes me responsible while Passion makes me a better person. What do you think? Which road shall I take? Do you have a map? Can I see it?
*which in that case, to be eternally spending lives with each other. But somehow, the places you want to go, the things you wanna do become more than just one. Feedbacks? anyone?
Dreamland 